Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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