i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
