I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
