if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
