saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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