She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
