wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
