my sisters under your porch take her home
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
