I am in a vortex of obligation.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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