he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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