Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
