yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
