You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
