At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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