I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
