Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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