She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
