i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
