So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
