me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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