Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
