now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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