She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
