yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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