i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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