Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
