ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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