i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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