marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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