It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
