I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize