i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize