NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
