Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
