I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
