it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize