ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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