Apparently you make a good broom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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