i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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