if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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