The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
