Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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