I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
