Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
