Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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