Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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