I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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