I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
