just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
