they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
