Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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