I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
