I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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