WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
