Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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