oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
