now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
