hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
