my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
