oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
