i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
