Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
