my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
