She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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