ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
