yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
