Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
