So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
