Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
