so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
