CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
