I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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